fuck trainers

I’m seething mad right now. And wait til you hear why. I’m not laughing but you might.
The cyclops took a shitter last week. So we bought a new one. John says he fixed the old one, go check it out.
So I go downstairs (it’s late because I had color on tat today) to get some form of exercise in. So I get in my new road shoes (I've never ever worn road shoes or cleats) that I just put cleats in (I’ve had them for over a year) and walk around slipping all over the place (even more reason why road shit is lame (i kid so don't get your panties in a bunch))… So I get my bike all loaded up into the trainer, get on. Dammit. It’s not fixed. So now I’m slightly irritated mainly because it takes me a really long time to get my bike in it (I’m embarrassed to say how long).
So now I have to put the new trainer together. Mind you I’m sitting on the floor in my road shoes with ipod shuffle and earphones hanging off myself. The fucking headphone cables keep wandering in front of my view, so I irritatingly ripped them off. I go to crouch but fall over spread eagle because the fucking cleats on the road shoes don’t allow my foot to go flat so I lose my balance.
I can read directions fine, but following them is a different story. I couldn’t figure out how I was supposed to put the pin in the resistance unit being my uncoordinated self! Finally I figure it out. It takes me a while because it’s all about lining shit up and I’m in a dark corner in the basement. I’m almost crying I’m so mad at this point. It was so nice out today and I missed riding outside for a good reason but still.
So I finally get all the bolts lined up and go to put the little nut on and the directions say “make sure you put the bolt in the square side first.” Ooh lemme guess which side I didn’t put it in! Fuck. I’m so mad, I’m still mad. So I take the bolt back out, put it through not so easily because I have to realign it all up again.
Finally through both holes I start to put the nut on and it’s hard to put on… so I think I’ll get back to it after I put the skewer thingee on.
That was easy. Okay, it took me two tries but I expected that. So I get it all put together and decide to put the bike on. “must use skewer supplied.” Dammit. Take my skewer out and put the saris one in. it won’t tighten down neatly because of my dropouts. I’m really, really pissed now and ready to throw my bike and the wooden block next to me and then kick the trainer.
I get the skewer good enough. Try to get it in the dropouts and realize just how much of a moron I am when it comes to putting a bike on a trainer.
So I get the bike on the trainer. Ah, finally. Then realized I didn’t tighten the fucking nut.
So I think it’s one of the 3 wrenches hooked on the bench. So I grabbed two. Mind you I had to walk all the way across the basement (painted concrete) in my fucking road shoes there and back. Get to the trainer and neither fit. It was all I could do to not throw the wrenches. I walk back to the workbench grab another wrench, back to the trainer knowing this wasn’t going to work and gave the fuck up.
The only good that came out of it is my heart rate was skyrocketed the whole time so maybe I burned some calories. But really the only thing I did was reaffirm to myself that TRAINERS SUCK!


julie said...

youch. just remember that you only have to set it up once, so that's over with. me? i'd call that cross-training. ;)

Paolo said...


no wonder I sold my trainer - no more indoor riding like a schmuck for me and now you really scared me into never buying one again.


Christine said...

I can't wait to hear...anyone up for a ride at John Muir? I feel your anger.

D A N O said...

Trainers are the devil!

The Baron said...

Cute. Raech. Very Cute. And think you only dropped 5 F-bombs, but I would have to recount to be sure.