7.01.2008

sad

i just found out my gram had another stroke.
lots of thoughts run through my mind. should've visited her more is the main one. why do i know these things... it's lessons i've learned in the past... but yet i didn't. i thought about it all the time. am i really too busy to see my grandma? how many times have i sat home while it was raining? why do i only think about it at a time when i absolutely can't get over there?
she can't eat or drink now. there will be no interfering and nature will take it's course. she's 94 (i think) and had a big stroke a couple years ago then a few mini ones after. after the first big one we think she recognizes us and like to think so, but we really don't know.
i'm also a little pissed off at my mom right now. she didn't tell me. i called her to tell her i would there in a few minutes (i stopped for gas) and she was all irritated. so i asked what was up. all she said was your father and i are trying to get over to see your grandmother (nothing weird, they alway see her on tuesdays). that was it. nothing unusual. i picked up the girls, still said nothing. i find out the whole family was over there, except for me and my sister. i feel sad that i wasn't there for my dad. i am sitting here trying to wrap my head about this- why didn't my mom say anything? i wanna go home and give my dad a hug. it's not about me, but i can't help thinking he must feel he has the biggest losers for daughters. how awful that his mother is dying and we couldn't be bothered.

5 comments:

velogrrl said...

I'm sorry to hear about your gram.

Tom K said...

sorry about your gram. it sucks when family doesn't tell you things you think you should know about.

Christine said...

Sometimes just letting others know you care is the best medicine:)

D A N O said...

Hugs.
:-)

BlissontwoWheels said...

i know how those thoughts can creep in but try not to get to down, now that you know just be there for your papa and grandma. I hope that she is doing okay!