sad

i just found out my gram had another stroke.
lots of thoughts run through my mind. should've visited her more is the main one. why do i know these things... it's lessons i've learned in the past... but yet i didn't. i thought about it all the time. am i really too busy to see my grandma? how many times have i sat home while it was raining? why do i only think about it at a time when i absolutely can't get over there?
she can't eat or drink now. there will be no interfering and nature will take it's course. she's 94 (i think) and had a big stroke a couple years ago then a few mini ones after. after the first big one we think she recognizes us and like to think so, but we really don't know.
i'm also a little pissed off at my mom right now. she didn't tell me. i called her to tell her i would there in a few minutes (i stopped for gas) and she was all irritated. so i asked what was up. all she said was your father and i are trying to get over to see your grandmother (nothing weird, they alway see her on tuesdays). that was it. nothing unusual. i picked up the girls, still said nothing. i find out the whole family was over there, except for me and my sister. i feel sad that i wasn't there for my dad. i am sitting here trying to wrap my head about this- why didn't my mom say anything? i wanna go home and give my dad a hug. it's not about me, but i can't help thinking he must feel he has the biggest losers for daughters. how awful that his mother is dying and we couldn't be bothered.